It seems that when most people outside of the church hear the word "Christian," they associate it with people who are judgmental, rigid, condescending, and exclusive. To be fair, this notion does not come from nowhere. It is not simply made up and plastered onto people they already don't like. Those in the Church do not have the best track record when it comes to loving those they disagree with.
One of the reasons for this is the lack of love when engaging with those who do not hold the same beliefs. We are quick to point out where those who disagree with us are wrong without understanding the full ramifications of doing this. Speaking the truth without love gets us nowhere. I have never heard of someone who didn't believe the Gospel suddenly turning their life around because someone else gave them a rock solid proof for something they believed. In the name of "defending the faith," much damage is done to those who do not believe. Scroll through the comments on almost any YouTube video and you'll eventually find an argument about Christianity with Christians throwing verses and proofs at those who don't believe in a very unloving manner. This is fruitless and counterproductive. These Christians are probably well-meaning but in the end, it turns people off. Even as a fellow Christian, I am embarrassed to read some of the things that are being said. I almost want to apologize for them.
This is why Paul emphasizes in Ephesians 4 that it is not enough to speak the truth. It must be said in love or you are better off not saying it at all. Love does not engage in conversation simply to win an argument or to justify its own beliefs but it puts the other person ahead of itself, keeping in mind that the person you are conversing with may have been through much pain because of "religion" and therefore wants nothing to do with it.
People were not drawn to Jesus because He gave bullet proof arguments for everything He was teaching. They were drawn to Him because of His love and humility. It is easy to get caught up in the apologetics side of faith and to believe that it is up to us to bring people to Christ. If that were the case, we would be weighed down with an incredible burden and responsibility. We do not bring people to Christ. The Holy Spirit draws people to Himself and often uses us as the tool. But to believe that we are responsible for other people's salvation can lead to unloving arguments in an attempt to win people over.
Christian faith as Jesus taught it does not make us arrogant because we have the truth and everyone else needs to figure it out too. Quite the opposite. One of the greatest signs of a change in our hearts because of Christ is the replacement of pride with humility. This leads us not to be exclusive but to love those who desperately need Christ because we know that we have done nothing to deserve Him. Christianity in its truest form should lead to tolerance and acceptance, but not in the "do whatever feels right for you/believe whatever you want" sense. It is tolerance that stands for truth and does not compromise but that lives in the midst of and loves those who do not yet know the truth.
Finally, it should be noted that this post is not at all advocating spotty doctrinal stances or being sketchy on important truths of the Christian faith. Speaking the truth in love does not mean apologizing for what Scripture says or compromising on various points just to avoid conflict. While I have been highlighting the importance of loving discourse, it is not at all loving to not speak the truth to those who need to hear it. We must be loving but we must also not be afraid of speaking the truth. The problem is not whether or not to speak the truth, it is how to speak it. When the rich man went away sad because of what Jesus told Him in Matthew 19, Jesus didn't chase him down or apologize for being too harsh. Jesus never apologized for the truth (He characterized Himself AS the Truth). However, He also never spoke it in an arrogant or judgmental way either.
May we learn to not fear speaking the truth or apologize for it but do so in a humble, loving, nonjudgmental way, extending the love of Christ to others knowing that we did nothing to deserve it.
